My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Boobs are out for the taking
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
