I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
