Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
