I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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