I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
