You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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