I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
