I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
