Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
