hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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