so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
