I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
