Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
