i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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