i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
