Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize