god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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