thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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