Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
