3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
