I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
