If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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