just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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