I'm going to jail i love you
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Acid is not a monday night drug
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
