Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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