Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
