He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
