Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
