i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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