My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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