I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
