just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
