I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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