I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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