We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
