Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize