Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
