Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
