i wish there were pregnant emoticons
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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