y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
