can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
