Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
