Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
