I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
