Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
