Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
