I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
