He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
