Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
