You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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