I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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