we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize