oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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