Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
