Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
