The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
