you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
