I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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