I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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