I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
His nipple licking is glorious
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