so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
