So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
