im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
