I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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