He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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