I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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