the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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