If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
