I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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