I wannas sexs uuuuu
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize