Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
