Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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