it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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